Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
by Imagine what if
Summary: They seem to have it all but ... something is wrong. Half of all marriages fail ... will theirs?
1. Chapter 1

The weather was unusually sunny and warm. It was two days before Thanksgiving and the park was full of people taking a respite from the oncoming winter. There he sat, watching his wife and kids playing in the grass. His children were growing up so quickly. His eldest daughter called out for him. He responded in kind. He thought back. She had been just a baby not so long ago. He blinked his eyes …she was now a teenager.

He laid back onto his folding chair, absorbing the warmth of the sun. He wished his mind would wander off the subject that had been eating at his sanity for the last few months, but it wouldn't.

He looked down at his left hand and reached for his wedding ring with his right … but it wasn't there. He wondered why he was surprised …he hadn't worn it in months. Raising his eyes he scanned the crowd around them, soon spotting a number of attractive women. He looked, he wondered then he dropped his head in shame. A single tear formed in the corner of his eye. The guilt had been building within him for a time. It was like a cancer, consuming him from within.

"Sweetie, are you alright?" asked his wife as she approached him.

"I'm fine." He responded, silently thanking God that he had remembered to wear his sunglasses. Without them she would surely have seen through him … and his lie. In his mind things were just about as far as you could get from "alright".

He remembered back at the day that he finally got the girl, the girl of his dreams. After 10 years of loving and hating each other they finally made amends, and committed to themselves for life. "What was it that I promised?" he asked himself. "I promised to love, honor and cherish, until death parts us." He felt low, really low.

He looked at her smiling face and then over at his children. No matter what, he would not, could not hurt them. The truth would hurt them and kill her.

As Ross sat there he wondered at how things had gone so terribly wrong …

* * *

The next day …

"So what did Monica ask you to bring to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow?" She asked.

Her friend just sat there, staring out into space. She was totally oblivious to her friend's presence …

"Rachel, are you all right?"

Again she waited for a response, again she received none. She felt alone. Tiring of her aloofness she got her attention by grabbing her arm …

"Rachel! What's wrong with you?"

Shaken out of her daydream she put her hand to her mouth. Facing her friend she apologized …

"Oh, I'm sorry Phoebe, I don't know what got into me."

"Rachel, what's wrong? Please tell me."

Rachel tried unsuccessfully to deflect her friends' curiosity …

"Oh nothing, nothings wrong. I was just, just thinking about Thanksgiving tomorrow."

"Rachel, I've known you for over twenty years. I can tell when something is wrong with you. You don't have to have psychic powers to know that something is bothering you."

Rachel tried one last time to convince Phoebe that there was nothing wrong. The tear falling from her eye gave her away …

"Phoebe, nothing is wrong everything is fine."

Phoebe knew that just the opposite was true. She saw her friend was upset. She felt compelled to help …

"Rachel, I may not be able to solve your problems but at least give me a chance to help. If you need to talk … then I'm here for you."

Rachel considered her words. Phoebe had always been there to talk to. She had believed in "them" even when they themselves couldn't or wouldn't. She had always believed that they were "lobsters" as she called them …

"Phoebe, I think something's wrong with Ross. He's become distant and aloof the last few weeks. I'm worried … I think he is having an affair!"

The revelation took Phoebe by surprise. Never in her wildest dreams could she believe that Ross would cheat on her friend. They had had the most difficult of relationships but their love for one another had pulled them through. They had been married for over a decade and had the trappings of a happy marriage. They had three children, a nice house and the cars to show off the outward success of their union. She thought it sad how looks could be so deceiving. Brushing her doubts aside Phoebe spoke …

"Rachel, why do you think that Ross is having an affair? What proof do you have?"

Rachel found herself somewhat embarrassed. She had no proof, just a woman's intuition …

"Phoebe, all I have is a feeling. Ross has been acting differently lately. He seems so distant."

"Rachel, you're going to have to help me here. What evidence do you have that Ross is having an affair?"

"I have no proof. All I have is the feeling a wife has about her husband. It just doesn't feel the same. We just don't feel "right"."


	2. Chapter 2

The night helped him hide his feelings. He preferred the darkness to the light as it would hide the guilt and sadness on his face, which would most certainly give him away.

Thanksgiving had been a marvelous affair. Monica had outdone herself. Like the turkey that she had served everyone was stuffed. The house was filled with laughter and conversation. Children ran from room-to-room. Everyone was happy … or so it seemed.

He stood there in silence, alone, on the deck in their backyard, facing the woods behind the house. The unseasonably warm weather had given way to colder temperatures. His breath caused a noticeable vapor as he exhaled. It was too cold for his light jacket but that was the least of his worries. He would endure the discomfort for it would be worse inside.

Then he heard a sound he dreaded … the door opening. The door stayed open for just a moment, just long enough for one person to exit. He hoped that his guest was Chandler; he would enjoy a chat with a friendly face.

He waited in silence until he heard the footsteps. He recognized the sound as woman's boots … he braced himself.

She spoke …

"We need to talk."

Ross was relieved, his guest was not who he had expected …

"Hey Pheebs, what brings you out into the cold air tonight?"

Phoebe was anxious. She had an uneasy feeling that she was sticking her nose where it didn't belong. Still, she was drawn towards him and to the questions that required an answer …

"Ross, what's going on between you and Rachel?"

Shaken by her query he attempted a valiant defense. If he could only convince her he could put off his problem for another day. Facing away from her towards the woods he countered …

"What do you mean Phoebe? There's nothing going on between Rachel and myself. We're fine."

Unconvinced …

Skeptical …

She was not persuaded. This would not be easy. She had to be patient. His response confirmed to her that something indeed was wrong. She had to find out for their sake.

"Ross, please turn around and look at me!"

He couldn't. He had to avoid her gaze. He remained silent …

"Ross, I know you all too well. You can't lie to me. I've known you for too long to recognize that you have a problem. Please turn around and look at me!"

He resisted her appeal. She grabbed his arm and tried to force him to look at her face-to-face. He wouldn't budge. She chose her next words carefully …

"It's that bad isn't it? You must feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."

She could have hit, punched or kicked him and he still would not have budged. He couldn't look into her eyes because she would know … but she did know. Her words caused his defenses to fall …

His body shuttered. A tear formed in his eye. He turned to face his prosecutor …

"You do know me … probably all too well." He asked. "Is it that obvious?"

Finally …

His face …

It confirmed her worst fears.

He looked so guilty, like he had committed a serious crime or sinned a great sin.

"No … you kept your secret well. I had no idea that there was a problem." She paused then continued, "She knows …"

Taken aback, he panicked …

"She knows? How did she find out?"

"Ross, she's your wife. You've been together off-and-on for over twenty years. A wife can tell when something is wrong with her husband. She can feel it."

"When did she find out?"

"Ross, I don't know. We were having lunch yesterday and she was upset. It took me a while to get it out of her but she finally told me how distant and aloof you've been the last few months. She loves you so much and she's worried about you."

He looked away from his friend; he did not want her to see how miserable he had become.

"Ross, why did you do it? Why, after all that you've been through did you do this?"

Stung by her questioning he turned once again to face her. He wore the face of curiosity. He had no idea what she was talking about …

"Phoebe, what do you mean? What did I do?"

Phoebe was incredulous. She was angry, one step short of furious …

"Ross! What is her name? What's the name of the woman that you threw your marriage away for?"

Ross stood there, unable to speak. He had just been branded a cheater, again. It had been many years since he was last accused of the crime. He had been unfaithful once before, when they were "on a break" and he had paid an unbearable price. After his infidelity he had promised himself that no matter who he would spend the rest of his life with … he would never cheat again. Now, twenty years later he had come full circle. He was being accused of the same crime against her … and he wanted to know why.

He shot back …

"Phoebe, what and who are you talking about? What woman?"

Phoebe looked into her friends face. She had known him for many years. Like his wife, she could read him like a book. She saw no deception in his eyes. Perhaps he was telling the truth …

"Then what is going on between you and Rachel? There's something wrong and I want to know what!"

Ross was shocked. He had never seen Phoebe this outraged before. He thought for a moment and then remembered something she had told him …

"Wait, you told me that Rachel knew what was going on. If you thought I was having an affair … does my wife think the same?"

She thought for the moment and considered the implications of her answer. "Yes."

He immediately felt like running away. His wife thought he was cheating on her. It was a repeat of "We were on a break" all over again, only this time they were married, with children, and he hadn't been unfaithful.

Phoebe had always claimed to have a terrible memory but one look at his face, at the look of panic in his eyes … she knew what he was thinking. She remembered those terrible times, the times when the friends were forced to take sides, the moment when their love nearly died. She knew what she had to do … she grabbed his hand …

"Ross, calm down. Don't do anything that you'll regret. You and Rachel have been through so much. Don't do it. Don't run. Just sit here on the deck and relax for a moment."

Ross looked up into Phoebe's eyes and relinquished control to her. She walked him to a deck chair and sat him down. Looking to the house she spoke to him …

"Ross. Stay here and breathe. I'll be right back."

Opening the door to the house she scanned the room for her husband. Finding him she whispered into his ear. Upon hearing her request Mike raised his head and looked at his wife, curious …

"Is everything alright?"

"I hope so. I just need to get him out of here for a while. If anyone asks tell them we went for a walk to get some fresh air."

Mike smiled at his wife, kissed her on the cheek and sent her off …

"Good luck."

Fifteen minutes later the two friends found themselves walking slowly through Monica and Chandler's neighborhood, a few blocks from their house.

There was silence … except for the sound of their steps on the sidewalk. Neither had said a word. Phoebe decided to break the ice …

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He had been looking down the whole time, afraid of what was to come. He took a deep breath and raised his head …

"No Phoebe, I don't WANT to talk about it …I HAVE to talk with someone before I lose my mind. My wife and best friend thinks I'm cheating … this is getting out of control."

"Well then what's the problem Ross?"

He was about to have the most difficult conversation of his life. He would need to discuss something he would prefer not to acknowledge or believe could ever happen. He had no idea how to start. He looked into her eyes. It came to him …

"Phoebe, do you love Mike?"

"Of course I do. Why do you ask?"

"Can you remember a time you weren't in love with him?"

She thought for a moment …

"Yes, it was before we got married."

Ross saw his opportunity to get Phoebe to understand his dilemma. He continued …

"Phoebe, I've known you for a long time. Before the two of you were introduced by Joey you had a number of boyfriends. Did you love any of them?"

She thought …

"Yes, one or two I suppose. I guess I loved Duncan."

"How did you fall out of love with Duncan and any other boyfriend you had?"

"Oh, I don't know. I guess it was time, or being apart. Why do you ask?"

It was time. He was so afraid of exposing himself, but he had too …

"You know how long and how much I've loved Rachel. You've always believed we were meant to be together, even when we couldn't believe it to be true. Phoebe, I'm not having an affair. I could never do that to her. I love Rachel. I will always love Rachel. I just don't think I'm **IN** love with her anymore …"


	3. Chapter 3

Phoebe stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. She was trying to comprehend what she had just been told. She didn't know whether to be angry or sad or a combination of both.

She spoke …

"What do you mean that you don't think that you're in love with her anymore? Are you insane? This is Rachel, YOUR Rachel we're talking about! How could you not be in love with her?"

Ross had asked himself that very same question a thousand times before. There were times when Rachel would take the kids out shopping; she knew that he hated to shop and that he only went with her because he cared. Alone, he would stand before a mirror and ask himself why … but he had no answer … it made no sense to him.

It was cool and getting colder. Ross could see that Phoebe was chilled. His first instinct was to get her back to the house, quickly, but he needed more time to talk …

Phoebe had always believed in "them". From the very beginning of their relationship so many years ago she believed, without doubt, that Ross would only be complete with Rachel … and that Rachel would never be whole without Ross. Phoebe was special; she could see unseen things and believe the unbelievable when no hope remained. Phoebe was indeed very special to him because without her … they probably never would have been. He very much wanted to be "them" again …

"Phoebe, you look cold. Please take my jacket and be warm." He said, draping his coat around her shivering frame.

"What about you?" She asked.

"Forget about me. For the moment I do not matter. What matters is you and our conversation." Ross looked her square in the eyes, took a deep breath and spat it out …

"I love my wife and I want to be in love with her again. I am incomplete without her. I want to spend the rest of my days thinking only about how I can make her happy. I love my children and I do not want them growing up in a broken home. Phoebe, you've always believed in "US" even when we did not. Please help me get back to where we used to be. I don't want to hurt Rachel ever again. I just want her to be happy …" He trailed off, dropping his gaze to the ground.

Looking up into his eyes she saw into his soul … and believed him.

Phoebe was having a problem understanding how someone could "fall out of love" with someone they were obviously meant to be with … forever.

"Ross, how did you fall out of love with her?"

Ross had no clear-cut answer for her. He was as curious as she was.

"Phoebe, I want you to understand how I, Ross Gellar, got into the situation that I find myself in."

Ross was about to expose himself. He didn't care; all that would come to pass was to save his marriage …

"Phoebe, I fell in love with Rachel in the 9th Grade. We were in middle school and she was Monica's best friend. I want to tell you something that I've never told anyone before."

Ross took a deep breath. The past was coming back … and it would be painful.

"Phoebe, Phys Ed class was a required class in school up to the 11th grade. I was a year ahead of both Monica and Rachel but we were in the same Phys Ed class for 2 years. I was the typical geek. I was tall, thin and weak. I went to Phys Ed with the intention of building up my body so that Rachel would look at me. At that moment in time I would have been happy just for her to say hello to me. If it were not for the fact that I was Monica's brother I would not have existed."

Ross looked down and then back up at Phoebe, continuing …

"I was totally in love with her … and it hurt. I would go to class and watch her. I would memorize every mannerism, every laugh, and every smile until I had no memory left. I was totally into her."

Phoebe chose this moment to interject …

"So what's wrong with that, Ross?"

"Phoebe, you have to imagine being totally in love with someone … yet the object of your love does not feel the same way for you. This is why I feel so guilty about how I feel about Rachel. Back in high school I found myself tortured. I loved Rachel yet I got to watch every hunk in school grope her, put his arms around her, kiss her, joke with her, laugh with her … all in front of my eyes … in the middle of gym class."

Ross, saddened by his confession took a deep breath and continued …

"Phoebe, you don't know how guilty I feel. The girl I watched all those years ago being fawned over by those other guys, the girl I fell in love with … she chose to spend her life with me! I feel so selfish for the way I feel but if it were not for her I would have no reason to exist … I exist only to make her happy."

Phoebe was confused …

"Then why are you not in love with her?"

"That my dear friend is the million dollar question. I have no idea why I am falling out of love with Rachel. How, when you meet someone new, do you known if you will fall in love with them? What makes us fall in love or out of love with another?"

Ross decided to show her how confused he was about his feelings … "Phoebe, how or why do people fall in love? We have a mind and a heart. Our minds tell the heart NOT to fall in love … yet we do. My mind is telling me how illogical it would be NOT to be in love with my wife … yet I find that my feelings fail me. How, when you meet someone new, do you know if you will fall in love with them? What makes us fall in love or out of love with another?"

Phoebe looked at Ross, then down at the ground …

"I don't know Ross … it's complicated, this thing called love."

"Phoebe, I've been both single and married … and I want to be married, to Rachel. I exist only to serve my family and to love them. Without Rach and the kids I would have no reason to go on. I know it sounds selfish but it's true."

A plan was forming in Phoebe's mind …

"Ross … then we have to find a way for you to reconnect with your wife … before it's too late."


	4. Chapter 4

There she sat, next to her dearest friend, seemingly very happy and content. Inside she was worried, very worried. Her anxiety was caused by her ignorance. In the absence of facts she found herself filling in the blanks to explain her husband's behavior over the last few months. One issue that her mind could not comprehend was his bare finger … the fact that the band of precious metal had been missing for so long.

In the absence of pertinent facts her mind was indeed thinking the worst. The fact that he had left the party with one of her best friends didn't help at all. They had been gone for some time … her imagination was running wild.

The back door to the Bing home opened … two figures entered. Removing their coats they melted into the crowd.

She noted their entrance, she watched as he approached Chandler with a glass of Champaign in his hand.

She wondered …

She wondered why they had left. She wondered what they had discussed. She wondered why they had been gone so long. She would do just about anything to know …

Again she wondered …

She watched her husband as he talked to his friends. He would pat them on the back; he would laugh at their jokes.

And again she wondered …

Then it happened … he looked her way, just as she was looking at him. She smiled … he returned her smile.

He left his friends and walked over to the couch, leaning over, whispering into her ear …

"Can I talk to you … alone?"

"Sure. Where?"

"Let me get your coat … we can go out on the deck, if that's alright with you."

"Sure, let's go."

She found herself out in the backyard, on the deck, with the man she loved. They had been married for many years … yet, in a way he seemed as would a stranger. She found herself at a disadvantage; she had no idea what he wanted to talk about.

He gazed into the heavens, into the crisp evening sky. He searched for a way to start the conversation. He paused …

She became concerned …

"Rachel, how long has it been since we've been together, alone?"

"We're alone right now Ross."

"No Rach, how long has it been since we spent any length of time together, alone? You know, just the two of us."

"I guess it was our honeymoon." She replied.

"Exactly! We never seem to get any time alone, away from the kids. What would you think if the two of us just ran away together for the weekend?"

Surprised, that's the best way to describe her reaction to his question. Rachel had expected some sort of revelation ... instead she received an invitation to get away with her husband. She was surprised. She sat there considering his words, silently.

"So Rach, what do you say?"

Looking into his eyes her feelings quickly changed from surprise to elation. She was thrilled. Never in her wildest dreams did she think that he wanted this. Hope, feelings of hope filled her soul. She knew they had problems but his invitation gave her hope that perhaps they could surmount them.

Feelings of hope, peppered by concern …

"Ross, what about the kids? Who will take care of the kids?"

"I knew that you would be worried about the kids … you're such a good mother. Do you remember how worried you were about your skills as a parent before Emma was born?"

She nodded her head and smiled at his compliment.

"Rachel, I will take care of everything. The kid's accommodations are already set up and besides, Emma is a very responsible teenager, she will help take care of the others. All I need is your OK and we can start planning our trip."

She smiled. She was truly happy as her anticipation rose.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Rachel, anywhere your heart desires. All I want is for you to be happy."

… and he meant every word of it.


	5. Chapter 5

If you think about it two days and nights is not a lot of time. Ross and Rachel both knew this and they were troubled. The couple had lofty goals for their weekend … they had to reconnect, to revive their marriage, but had little time to do so.

The pair decided to stay relatively close to home. Instead of flying off to Bermuda or Miami or Las Vegas they decided to drive south into New Jersey, to stay in Atlantic City. It was only a 2 hour drive. They would enjoy the gambling, live shows, and walking along the boardwalk and the beach if it were warm enough.

Having arrived at their hotel they got settled in. Their evening consisted of shopping and dinner, followed by some intimate time together …

"This was a wonderful idea. I'm so glad that you suggested it Ross."

"Are you happy?"

"I'm very happy. Except for my stomach I am having a great time."

Ever since the day before they left home Rachel had been having stomach pains, she had thrown up too. Ross was concerned that she had the flu. He had offered to reschedule their trip; she had shrugged off her illness because she wanted to go so badly.

Ross had a lot to be concerned about; his marriage was on the line. He cared less about himself or if he had fun or not. He just wanted to feel the way he used to, again. He worried that the old feelings that he once had for his wife would be just that, a memory. He did whatever she wanted. They went where she wanted to go and did what she wanted to do, just so that she would enjoy herself.

After the first day Ross grew more anxious. Rachel's stomach pains had not subsided and his feelings for her had not changed. He felt so odd. When he looked at his wife he saw not his wife, but a friend. He loved her but as he had loved her before he was in love with her. He began to believe that his attempt to reconnect with her was a failure … until his world almost ended.

"Ross!"

Hearing his name he ran to the bathroom, finding her hunched over on the floor.

""Rachel! Oh my God what's wrong?"

"Ross, the pain! I'm in so much pain! I thought I might have the flu. This is not the flu!"

As he watched is wife writhe in pain on the bathroom floor he sprang to action. Grabbing the phone he dialed 911.

"Yes, my name is Ross Gellar. I am at the Trump Plaza Hotel, room 719. My wife is complaining of a lot of pain in her abdomen. Please send an ambulance quickly!"

Later, at the ER …

"How is she doctor? How is my wife?"

"Are you Mr. Gellar?"

"Yes, my name is Ross. How is my wife?"

"Ross, your wife has a ruptured appendix. She needs an immediate appendectomy to save her life."

"Save her life? We thought she just had the flu!"

"Ross, your wife's appendix actually burst and now she has a life-threatening infection. We have to remove the appendix, clean her up and then pump her up with some potent antibiotics. Appendectomies are not usually that serious but your wife's case is unusual in that the infection is so advanced."

"What do you mean by "advanced" doctor?"

"I mean that your wife knew she was in trouble some time ago but did nothing about it. She must have been under an extreme amount of pain. You don't see many patients in such bad shape … unless they were in a remote area, unable to get to a hospital. Didn't she give you any indication that she was in pain?"

"She only complained of an upset stomach. We thought she had the flu."

"Mr. Gellar, I highly doubt that your wife could have confused this problem with the flu. She must have done a really good job of covering it up though, for you not to suspect that something serious was wrong with her."

Ross looked down to the floor, a thought just coming to him … "Yes, I suppose so. So, doctor, what is her prognosis?"

"I am not going to lie to you Ross. We will remove the appendix and clean up the infection as much as possible. The key here is how far along the infection is and how much damage it has done. Your wife will be in surgery within the hour but she may be unconscious for days … or perhaps …"

"Perhaps what, doctor?"

"… or perhaps she may never wake up. We have a number of powerful antibiotics to fight the infection but there are no guarantees. I've had a few patients in situations like this and I've lost a number of them. The infections can be that insidious."

As the words sank in Ross's eyes filled with tears. He looked down again before asking his next and final question …

"So, doctor, what are her chances?"

"If I were a betting man I would give her a 50/50 chance. I'm sorry Ross."

The doctor raised his hand towards Ross. Ross, looking towards the floor tried to keep his sadness from the doctor. He was a man after all. He was not supposed to cry, especially in public. Seeing the doctor's hand he raised his eyes to meet his. Raising his hand he took the doctor's hand and shook it.

"Thank you doctor. Now go and save my wife."


	6. Chapter 6

Three times the earth had spun on its axis.

Three times the sun had risen and set.

... still she slept.

As the sun rose over the Atlantic for the 4th time since the surgery its rays passed through her window, gently bathing her face in the morning light. The brightness of the sun on her eyelids caused her to stir. She moved slowly, deliberately. She opened her eyes. The brightness of the sun caused her eyes to flutter until they were accustomed to its intensity. She tried to move her body. Her arms felt like they were made of lead. She hadn't moved in three days and her muscles had begun to atrophy.

She looked around her, soaking up the details of her environment. She did not recognize the place. She was lying in a hospital bed, covered by a sheet and blanket.

And then she saw him. He was seated in a chair pulled up to her bed, hunched over with his head laid next to her. She looked her husband over. His was a mess. Ross's hair was disheveled and he hadn't shaved in days, his chin was covered with a thick carpet of hair. She giggled and then found herself overwhelmed by a foul stench. She looked around in an attempt to locate the source of the odor.

At that moment a nurse entered the room …

"I see that you're awake! How do you feel?"

"I'm very tired but I guess I feel OK. Where am I?"

"You're in the Atlanticare Medical Center. Your appendix burst and you required immediate surgery to save your life. What's the last thing that you remember?"

"I was on the bathroom floor at our hotel, in a lot of pain."

"After your appendix burst you acquired a bad infection. We had no idea if you were going to survive. The doctor's gave you some of the strongest antibiotics we have."

Rachel was again curious … she could not locate the source of the foul smell … so she asked the nurse.

"Excuse me but do you smell that awful smell?"

"I sure do!"

"Do you have any idea where it's coming from?"

"Yup." Said the nurse as she pointed to her husband.

"It's him?"

"Yes, it's him. We have been trying to get him to go take care of himself and take a shower … but he won't leave your side."

"How long was I out?"

"Three days."

"So he's been sitting there for three days?"

"Except for going to the bathroom he hasn't left this room. We brought him food so that he eat. I don't think he would have fed himself because it would mean he would have to leave your side. Your husband certainly is devoted to you. He wouldn't even leave to take a shower … as much as we begged him to."

She smiled. She giggled. She noticed that Ross's mouth was open and that he was drooling onto her bedcovers. She decided to wake him. He needed a break to take care of himself, to clean up and change. She hoped that he would do this if he knew that she was alright.

"Ross … Ross!" she said, trying to wake him from his slumber.

Slowly he woke up, opening his eyes and closing his mouth. Once awake he raised his head and beheld his wife.

"Rachel! You're awake! You're alive! How are you?"

"I've felt better but I'm OK. The nurse told me that I was out for three days. How are the kids, are they alright?"

The kids are fine. Monica and Chandler are taking care of them. Emma's helping her aunt and uncle as best she can. Rach, I was worried about you. The doctor told me that you almost died."

"I what?"

"The doctor told me that your appendix burst and you got a bad infection. He told me that he was surprised that you didn't get to the hospital before it burst."

"Why did the doctor say that, Ross?"

"Because our bodies have a way of warning us when something is wrong with it. You must have felt the pain well before I found you on the floor but you did nothing about it. Why? The pain must have been unbearable."

Rachel looked down. She had been caught.

"Ross, the pain was terrible. It hurt so badly. It took all I had not to scream."

"Then … then why didn't you tell me? Why was it so important to keep this a secret?"

She looked down again, preparing to expose her motives.

"I kept it a secret because I didn't want it to ruin our vacation. I wanted to spend every moment with you, working on our marriage. Now look at me! I've ruined everything! I'm sorry, you must be so mad at me. This was the worst vacation ever!"

She looked at her husband, waiting for him to respond. She was sure that he would be understanding but disappointed. Their time alone was important to him to. She waited …

"Rachel, what are you talking about? This was the best vacation that I've ever had!"

"What? It was ruined. I got sick and I'm in the hospital."

"Rachel, that's one way of looking at it. I prefer to look at it differently."

"What do you mean, Ross?"

Ross took her hand.

"I had certain expectations for our vacation together."

She looked at him and wondered. Rachel too had had expectations. She had hoped that they could rejuvenate their relationship and their marriage. Her hopes had been dashed by her illness. It would take Ross to save her from her own perception of things …

"What, what were they?"

"Oh, I think you know what they were. I suppose we shared the same hopes and dreams for ourselves."

"Ross, I've known that something's been wrong between us for a while. I too was hoping that we could talk and work things out. It's something that we were never able to do when we were younger."

"Rachel, didn't you hear me?"

"Hear you when?"

"I talked to you for three days and three nights while you were unconscious on this bed. I told you how the kids were doing and how all of our friends were worried about you. I called your father in Florida and told him everything. I even put the phone to your ear so that he could tell you to get better. I even told you how I felt about you …"

Rachel was getting that feeling, that feeling of sadness for having missed so much, for missing out on their time together, for causing her family and friends to worry over her. She felt bad but then glad that Ross had never left her side. She just wished that she had been awake to hear it.

"Ross, tell me again. How do you feel about me?"

Ross got up off his chair and sat on the bed next to her, careful not to get too close. He still needed to clean up.

"Rachel, I love you, I will always love you. I must tell you that there were moments recently that I wasn't so sure. I was lost for a while. I thought that my feelings for you had changed. I remembered back to the first time that I told myself that I loved you. I tried to remember everything that made me feel that way about you. Then I thought back to that moment a few months ago when I was afraid that I had lost those feelings."

Ross was conflicted. He felt ashamed to tell her the truth. He wanted to run and hide under a rock. He considered his options. Telling her a lie might make her feel better now but would ultimately hurt her worse later. He had tried that tact many times before they were married … it had never worked. They both ended up getting hurt, badly. A lie to Rachel was in effect a lie against them. He ultimately decided on the truth …

"Rachel, I know you were concerned for me … I could see it in your eyes. I've never been able to hide anything from you. I was so scared, scared that I was falling out of love with you. We've known each other for such a long time; I guess that I just started taking you for granted. Watching you have this near-death experience gave me a chance to think, to imagine the unimaginable, a world without you in it. I imagined how cheap and empty my life would have been without you. Now you know why this was the best vacation ever."

She sobbed. She was so happy.

Ross laughed, on the inside. He always thought it funny how women had the ability to cry when they were either happy or sad.

Rachel looked at him and again wondered. She was so happy but a question nagged at her. She did not want to ruin things but she had to know something. She just had to know …

"Ross, if … if I ask you a question … do you promise to answer truthfully?"

"Of course, what do you want to ask me?"

She looked down and pondered how to diplomatically ask the question she needed answered. This was her opportunity and she didn't want to blow it. She decided that there was no "gentle" way of asking him. He might be offended, he might even get upset but she had to know …

"Ross, while … while you were feeling this way, you know …"

"Yes Rachel, what is it?"

"… did you … did you cheat on me? Did you have an affair with another woman?"

He wasn't upset. He definitely wasn't offended. There would be no repeat of a devastating past indiscretion that once tore them apart. She would get her answer, even if it hurt, a little. He had promised to answer, honestly …

"Rachel Geller. The answer to your question is no. I have never cheated on you and I never will. I would never be able to live with myself if I had. It would mean the end of my life. It would never be worth it."

"Oh, Ross …" she responded through her tears.

He interrupted …

"But …"

Shock and surprise were only two of many words that could describe Rachel's response to his disclosure …

"But what? Ross, you just told me that you didn't cheat!"

"I haven't cheated, but that doesn't mean that I didn't have the opportunity to."

The happiness she was feeling had left her, replaced by shock and dismay. Anger filled her being as her fury grew …

"Ross! Tell me what's going on! Tell me about these other women!"

"Rachel, I did not and will not ever cheat on you. I told you that I had the opportunity to cheat … but I didn't."

His honesty had little calming effect on her. She wanted to know everything about his opportunities to cheat. She wanted to know where she stood with him.

"Ross, tell me what is going on here! I am confused."

Returning to the bed he sat next to his wife, gently taking her hand. He was relieved by the fact that she actually allowed him to take it. He knew that she was angry but he had promised to be honest. He hoped that she would still want to be in the same room with him when he was finished.

"Rachel, twice since we were married I have had the opportunity to have an affair. Twice I was approached by women, friends actually, who were interested in a relationship. Twice I was surprised to find that these friends wanted something from me, even though they knew that I was married to you. Twice I declined the invitation. I've been down that road before. I've been to hell and back. Somehow I got another chance with you … and I am not about to forget the price that we paid for my mistake."

"So you didn't have an affair?"

"No, I didn't. These women were friends of mine. At the time I was really surprised by their advances, until I found out why they wanted to have an affair."

"What? They actually told you why they wanted you to cheat on me!"

"Rachel, both of my friends were married at the time. Both were having marital problems. Both are now divorced. One of my friends tried to kiss me …"

"What! What's her name?"

"Rachel, it doesn't matter. When she tried to kiss me I pulled away. When she determined that I was not interested in a relationship she stopped talking to me. She was hurt and angry at me for turning her down. I had lost her as a friend."

"What about the other "friend" of yours, Ross?"

"Rachel, it doesn't matter. I've never even kissed her, OK? I only told you this because you wanted me to be honest … and I wanted to be truthful to you."

He looked down and then back up at her, seeking some sort of confirmation that his admission had not been a mistake.

"I must have really had you worried, didn't I?"

"Yes, a little."

"You were a little worried that I was having an affair?"

"Well, truth be told I was worried a lot!"

"Why were you so worried Rachel, do you not trust me?"

"Ross, it's not that! You were so distant for a while, even Phoebe saw it. I'm older now and you were acting like you weren't as interested in me as you used to be."

Ross lifted his hand to the top of her head, playing with a few of her hairs. Finding what he was looking for, he pulled …

"Ouch! Ross, why did you pull on my hair?"

"Rachel, you may not realize it but you fascinate me, you always have. I watch you, especially when you are not looking. I see how worried you get sometimes."

At this he presented her with the hair he had plucked from her head. It was gray.

Rachel looked at the hair and then at Ross, finally looking down at the hair. Taking it from him she threw it on the floor and pouted, crossing her arms and turning her head away from him.

"Rachel, I pulled out your hair for a reason. You and I, we … we are growing old. Look at me, the hair around my temples is getting gray."

She sat there for a moment, pondering where this was all going. Turning to face him she retorted "Ross, gray hair on a man is considered distinguished, gray hair in a woman makes her look old."

"Rachel, I've known you for most of your life. You'd have a hard time keeping anything from me. Rachel, what color is your hair?"

Rachel looked down again. He already knew the answer to his question.

"Ross, you know what color it is. Why are you asking me this?"

"Rachel, I am trying to make a point. What color is your hair?"

She gave up …

"Golden brown."

"Rachel!"

"Alright, alright … it's dark brown. You know I color my hair to make it lighter."

"I've know ever since you came back into my life in your wet wedding dress at Central Perk. I thought it funny that your hair had changed so much."

"What is your point Ross?"

"My point is that beauty is not everything; if it were then no marriage would ever last. If we were to base our marriage on our looks then we are doomed. I don't care if your hair is dark brown, golden brown, blonde, red or gray. I appreciate you wanting to look young and attractive for me … but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I didn't fall in love with you because of your looks. I thought you were pretty and all but it was the entire package that took my breath away. The way you talked and walked and laughed. One moment you could be so ditzy and the next so smart. The clincher was the fact that you would even consider being with me. You could have balded yourself for all I cared."

With tears in her eyes she giggled, remembering an episode from their past. She slapped him on the arm before receiving the confirmation that she had been looking for …

"There was a point that I thought that I was no longer in love with you … but I was wrong. I never stopped loving you Rachel."

Ross released her hand and went to remove something from his pocket. Pulling out a handkerchief Ross laid it on the bed and began to unfold it, revealing a ring of precious metal. Lifting the ring with his right hand he positioned it on the ring finger of his left hand.

"Right where it belongs."

"Right where it belongs." She repeated, agreeing with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Years later …

Darkness consumed the interior of the home.

A figure slowly descends the stairs …

The family room is dark, except for the flickering illumination given off by a television.

She stops, observing her husband.

He sits on the floor with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs, his eyes affixed to the screen.

Rachel stood there motionless, silently watching him. She knew what was playing out before her. It had happened so many times before. She closed her eyes as a tear slid down her face. She mourned for him …

Ross too shed a tear. He watched as the final scene of his favorite movie, _October Sky _played out before him. He lowered his head in sadness.

"You miss him …" She said, more a statement than a question. She didn't have to ask. She already knew the answer.

He couldn't respond; he didn't want her to know that he had been crying. He nodded instead.

She knew.

Sitting on the floor next to him she wanted to embrace him but instead gave him the chance to compose himself. As the movie credits rolled down the screen he regained control enough to finally face his wife.

"Are the kids asleep?"

"Yes, they were tired."

She was concerned for him.

"Ross, are you alright? Sometimes I wish that I had never bought you that movie for your birthday."

"Rachel, why do you say that?"

"Because … because it makes you so sad."

"Rachel, I am so glad that you bought the movie for me. It helps me to remember him, even if it makes me sad. It helps me stay connected with him … even though he's gone."

"Ross, you always seem to have the right words to make me feel better, even when you feel like crap."

Ross held his wife's hand, gently squeezing it, he replied "But that's my job, to make you happy."

She couldn't keep looking into his eyes. She lowered them to the floor …

"You do make me happy, Ross, happier than in my wildest dreams."

He had been waiting patiently for the right time. He felt that that time had come. He had a gift for her and something for her to hear. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out an envelope. He handed it to his wife.

"Ross, what's this?"

"Open it, please. It's for you."

Slowly she tore at the seal with her fingernail, finally opening it. Looking inside she found a single piece of paper, folded in two. Removing the paper she opened it.

She nearly fainted …

"Oh my God! Ross, what's this?"

"Shhhh, Rachel. Keep it down. You'll wake the kids."

"Rrrr …. Ross, what is this check for?"

"I want you to have this. Please take it."

"Oh my God! Ross, where did you get all of this money?"

"This is my inheritance, my gift to you. I've learned that I don't need anything but you to live and to breathe. I want you to take this and buy whatever you want. I want you to be happy."

She was speechless, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. She was overcome by the sheer magnitude of the number staring back at her from the surface of the check and of the generosity of the man she loved.

"Ross, I … I can't take this from you. This is yours. I … I wouldn't know what to do with all of this money."

"Rachel, I want you to have it. If you would like we could buy you a new car and fill it with all the clothes you could buy from Macy's and Bloomingdales. Then we could take a trip to any place on Earth. We could buy a new house if you'd like, just so that you are happy."

Looking up from the check she looked at his face, tearing up a bit. At that moment it hit her, the confirmation that she had not wasted her life. She had more than she had ever wanted.

Grasping the check with both hands she slowly tore it in two, before his unbelieving eyes …

"Thank you."

"For what? You tore the check in two!"

"_**Thank you for choosing me."**_

"For choosing you?" He asked, confused.

"Of all the girls and of all the women that you dated got engaged to and married, thank you for choosing me to be your wife."

Now it was his turn to be overwhelmed, overcome by emotions he couldn't control.

He wept.

He didn't want her to see him like this so he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards him, resting his head on her shoulders while she did the same.

There they sat. She could hear him releasing his emotions and feel the tears soaking her blouse.

Ross wasn't finished. He felt the same about her and he wanted her to know it. So, in his own special way he prepared to open his heart, far wider than he had ever done so before.

Whispering in her ears he began …

"It is I who should be thanking you."

Gently pulling away from him she asked "Why?"

"You thanked me for choosing you. It should be me thanking you. I think I got the better part of the bargain."

She smiled. Her feelings for him were so strong, she was sure that she had come out the better. He had helped her grow, he had loved her, he had given her three beautiful children and he had just selflessly given her more money than she could ever spend. She knew she was right.

Wanting to know more, she enquired …

"Why do you say that Ross?"

"It's quite easy to explain actually … I owe you my life."

She sat there dumbfounded. He always seemed to know that word or words to blow her away. She knew now that she had no chance against him.

"Rachel, you know me and you know the family that I was raised in. I loved my father. We were pretty close. When I was young I used to watch him closely. When I became an adult I had an ideal in my head … to be a good husband and father …"

She interjected "But you're a great husband and the best father I know!"

"And that's where it all started, with my father. It is he you should be thanking, not me. I miss him so much now that he's gone."

"I know …"

"Rachel, think back to those years between the time you left Barry and the time we finally got back together. The years of love and hate, passion and fighting, get-togethers and breakups, they were all an attempt to satisfy my obsession …"

Saying that she was surprised would be an understatement. In all the years and all the conversations that they had ever had he had never used the words "my" and "obsession" in the same sentence.

"Your obsession for what?"

"My obsession for what my father had, a loving wife and children. A family. Rachel, when you said "I do" at our wedding you gave me my life and the opportunity to do what I always dreamed of doing."

"What? I thought you wanted to be a paleontologist."

"When you married me you gave me my life … **_and the opportunity to give that life away._** When I was young I tried to find happiness by getting things. Now that I am older I know the fallacy of my youth. The truth is that happiness is not found by getting, it is found in giving. When you got off the plane … you let me finally give it all away … and I will never, ever be able to thank you enough for your sacrifice."

"What sacrifice?"

"You gave up a new life, an exciting life, in Paris to stay here with me. I was so selfish to tell you that I loved you. I was so selfish to ask you to stay."

"And look what life we've made here, for each other. Ross, I've never regretted staying here and committing to you. I cannot dream of a better life than as your wife."

He smiled at her. She had lifted the guilt from his shoulders. She had relieved him of some of his burden.

Gazing into his eyes she saw that his mood had changed, almost instantly. Concerned, she posed a question …

"Ross, are you alright?"

"Love."

"Love?" She replied.

"Love can be such a selfish word don't you think?"

"Well, I guess so. Why do you ask Ross?"

"Because we've done so many things, selfish things to each other all in the name of love."

"But you just mentioned how our love let you give it all away."

"I know and it took me all these years to learn the truth. All those nasty things I did, all the broken relationships and hurt feelings … just so that I could feel better about myself. Rachel, I regret so much what I did to you in the past."

"Ross, we were young, foolish and stupid. We didn't know the true meaning of love. We both hurt each other, it wasn't just you."

They were both sorry for many things from their past. They tried to out-do each other as they discussed how stupid they had been …

"I slept with another woman …"

"You were hurt and drunk. Ross, I could have forgiven you but I didn't. If I had things would have been different, we would have gotten back together much earlier. I guess we'll never know."

"I got engaged to another woman after knowing her for only 6 weeks."

"I flew to London to tell you I loved you and ended up causing you to get divorced."

"I almost dated your sister."

"Don't remind me! I still can't believe that happened."

"I told you that I loved you AFTER you were already married to another woman."

"I remember that you blew me away with that one."

"I agreed never to see you again."

"I was so mad at you!" she replied.

"I pushed myself onto two different guys. The first I tried to get engaged to after only a few dates, the second took baths with his sister."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No. I wish I was but it's true."

He looked down for a moment trying to come up with something to top her …

"Aha! I lied to you about getting the divorce!"

She laughed at his paltry attempt at one-upmanship. She positioned herself to blow him away …

"I divorced you."

Blown away he was. He sat there staring at his wife …

"Do you regret the divorce?"

"It's funny. I didn't really regret it until after we got back together. At that point I was so happy and so in love with you that I thought back to that point and realized that we could have had that four years earlier. I guess I just wasn't ready then."

"Yeah, I guess. Hey I've got a better one … I got you pregnant!"

"And you think that was a mistake? Don't you love Emma?"

"Of course I do but don't you remember those 9 months out of our lives? We got so close. We lived together. We almost got back together."

She remembered a memory …

"I remember a date that I went on …"

"Was it with me?"

"No. I was living with Joey, before I moved in with you. I went out with that actor from Days of Our Lives. We went out but it didn't go too well."

"Why, what happened?"

"I told him I was pregnant and he got all nervous and walked out on the date."

He remembered …

"I remember. That's the day I hooked up with Mona."

She glared at him …

"Well, I really wanted to be with you, to take care of you and the baby, but you didn't seem interested. You were so excited about going out with that actor guy."

"I was. I get so excited and goofy when I'm around celebrities. But as I remember you weren't too happy about it, were you?"

"No, but I was more concerned about our baby. I knew you could take care of yourself."

"Do you remember later that night when you ran into me on the street with all of those candy bars?"

"No, not really. What happened?"

Realizing that he didn't remember she continued, a little disappointment showing on her face …

"Well, I realized that the pregnancy had my life had changed forever. I was going home to eat the candy bars but then you came along and cheered me up. You asked me if I wanted some coffee and I said no. You kissed me on the cheek and you went to Central Perk, alone. For a short, sweet moment I remembered what we had when we were together. At that moment I saw you in a different light. I thought about that night we shared when I got pregnant and how sweet you had just been to me. I had been so lonely for so long. I was longing to be loved so I followed you to the coffee house and went in …"

"You followed me to Central Perk? Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"I came into Central Perk and found you flirting with Mona and I left you alone with her."

He looked down at the floor, realizing that another opportunity to be together had been lost. They were both saddened by her revelation. He tried to liven things up a bit …

"Hey I remember another stupid thing that I did! I tried to date Mona while living with my pregnant ex-wife!"

She laughed. The moment had been saved.

"I don't know Ross. I think I've done much worse than that."

"Name one." He replied.

"Alright, I dated my ex-husbands best friend, nearly destroying him."

It had been a very sad part of his life, but that was in the past. Instead, he laughed …

"I can't begin to tell you how weird I felt about you and Joey being together. It must have been something to the way you felt about Jill and me dating."

"I don't know what I was thinking at the time. I was so desperate to be loved. Joey was there and I loved him … as a friend. We just couldn't take it any farther."

"No? Why not?"

"I guess because I had gone down that road before, with you. I loved Joey but not in that way. Weren't you happy when we broke it off?"

"I can't tell you how relieved I was. The thing is we never really talked about it after that. Things just seemed to go back to normal."

"That is until you told me that you loved me and asked me to stay."

"I regret a lot of things that I've done in my life … but that is not one of them. I'm just glad you stayed."

Rachel replied "Me too."

All of this talk of their past had brought up a question, a curiosity really of an issue that had bugged her for a long time. Sitting with her husband there on the floor gave her the opportunity … the first she had had in some time.

She would not waste the moment …

"Ross, can I ask you something?"

"Sure honey, anything."

"How … how were you able to move on so quickly … after we broke up? I obviously had a hard time moving on after you. I was just curious why and how you were able to move on from our relationship so soon?"

He sat there surprised by her question and stung by her statement. They had been together for nearly forever and it still amazed him how little she knew about him. It was obvious to Ross that he had failed to let his wife know how much she had meant to him … even before they were married. He would try to correct this … immediately.

"Rachel, I'm surprised by your question. I thought it painfully obvious that I never, ever was able to move on from our relationship. I tried time and again to move on, failing each time, miserably. I tried to find a substitute for you, again failing each time. There is no replacement for you. I could never move on from "Us". What ever gave you the impression that I ever did?"

"Ross, you seemed to move on so quickly after our breakup. You dated Bonnie and then got married to Emily …"

"These were all attempts to move on … and I obviously failed at them. Rachel, after we broke up I tried to move on but it seemed like each time I got close to, you would be there … looking so gorgeous, telling me how much you cared. You had to know that I still loved you … and how much control you had over me. When I tried to date other women you made just about every attempt to sabotage my relationships but when I wasn't dating … you seemed to only want to be friends. It was like you didn't want me to move on … but also that you did not want to be with me. What gave you the impression that I had ever moved on from you?'

"Ross … I remember a moment in time, a moment so very painful to me that I just can't seem to let it go."

"Rachel, please tell me. Perhaps I can alleviate your pain …"

"Alright, I've never told you this before … here goes. I was with Phoebe. We were returning from the movies, standing outside Central Perk. I looked through the window and saw you and Bonnie sitting on the couch. You seemed to be very happy. You were smiling and laughing. Bonnie had her hand on your leg. It was obvious to me, a woman, that she was very interested in you. Ross, it broke my heart. I was devastated by what happened between you and Chloe. I now had to watch it happen all over again with Bonnie. I may have been mad at you but I never stopped loving you. I had a hard time with it. I was selfish. I knew that you still wanted to be with me and I used that against you. I broke you and Bonnie up and then immediately started making demands that you accept responsibility for our breakup. A year later I again abused our friendship by flying to London to tell you that I loved you … at your wedding. What does this insanity tell you about me, your wife?"

"Rachel, it tells me that you loved me so very much that you couldn't let go. What you saw was not what you thought. I was trying to move on … but I couldn't, it's always been you Rachel, and it always will be."

It was late, very late for the couple to be up. Seizing the moment they both played with each other one last time …

"So, Mrs. Gellar, you ready for bed?"

"I think so Dr. Gellar, what about you?"

Moving closer to his wife Ross nuzzled her neck trying to determine how receptive she was to having a bit of fun before bed. As he kissed all the right spots he felt her heart beat faster and her breathing deepen. She didn't have to say a word …

"Let's go upstairs."

"Alright Gellar but before we do don't forget to take your Viagra!"

Caught off guard by her comment he quickly recovered.

"Ha ha, you've never complained before. I'll go get your cane so you can get up the stairs old woman."

With his last comment she had had enough. Soon enough time would have it's way with them. Ross and Rachel were ultimately destined to grow old together but tonight they were two 20-year olds, chasing each other up the stairs.

After making love to each other for the millionth time they laid there together, just staring into each other's eyes. They didn't dare look away from each other for if they did their illusion would be destroyed. They were not even close to their 20's anymore.

If she had stopped staring into those eyes she would have seen the bags forming under his eyes, the gray hair well on its conquest of his hairline and the paunchiness and "love handles" forming at his waistline.

If he had dared to look away he would have noticed the crow's feet around her eyes, the slight thickening of her face and the fact that she had gained a bit of weight.

They didn't care …

They had their illusion … at least for another night.

They laid there confident that the other would still love them tomorrow … no matter how badly time would treat them.

They were living their dream …

They were growing old … together, forever.

_**FIN**_


End file.
